


You are taking me apart like bad glue on a get well card

by onvavoir



Series: I'll plead the fifth on all of this [6]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Declarations Of Love, Feelings, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-21
Updated: 2016-06-21
Packaged: 2018-07-16 08:42:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7260526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onvavoir/pseuds/onvavoir
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place a few days after <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/7260496">I'm gonna keep getting underneath you</a>. Sam does not realise what he said.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You are taking me apart like bad glue on a get well card

It doesn't exactly surprise Sam when Bucky starts acting weird-- although the baseline for weird in Bucky's case is a little off the scale from what you'd expect from most people. But for some reason this time it gets under Sam's skin. Maybe it's how intense things got the other night, or maybe he's worried that one of them really did do something wrong and Bucky just isn't talking about it. It makes him crawl with guilt, like maybe it wasn't such a great idea to involve Bucky in their little sex romps and they might've taken advantage of someone who's emotionally vulnerable.

After a few days of tense silence and cryptic looks, Sam decides enough is enough. If Bucky's too emotionally stunted to just talk about things like an adult, Sam will damn well make him. He waits for Bucky to sit down on the couch and then drops down next to him, too close to be casual. He drapes his arm across the back of the sofa. He's not exactly _hoping_ for makeup sex, but he might be considering it as one of many possibilities once they hash out whatever Bucky's problem is.

"All right," he says. "Let's hear it."

Bucky looks at him with wide eyes.

"What?"

"You're mad about something. Did I do something wrong?"

"No…"

"Was it… did we do something you didn't like? The other night? Because you really need to tell me if we did."

Bucky laughs, and then he blushes-- _blushes_ , like goddamn Steve Rogers-- and lowers his eyes.

"No, that was. It was good. Nice. Felt good."

"Well then what is it? That shirt was mine to begin with, so you can't really get huffy about me taking it back. Oh, is it about the peaches? Look man, I didn't know you were planning to make--"

"You said you loved me."

Sam blinks.

"I'm sorry, what?"

He'd accuse Bucky of messing with him, except Bucky looks almost as bewildered as Sam feels. He doesn't look smug, or pleased with himself. He looks lost. Blindsided, Sam struggles to find something to say, anything, even if it's just _nuh uh_. He manages a shrug.

"I kinda figured you forgot who you were fucking," Bucky says, and maybe he's trying to look rueful but what he manages is hurt and confused. "Meant to say it to Steve."

Sam thinks about it. He thinks about it a little longer. No, he definitely did not.

"Look, people say weird shit during sex, it doesn't mean anything."

Sam promptly feels like a total shit for saying it. He _is_ a total shit for saying it. If Bucky got angry, if he argued, it would be easier, but he doesn't, he just looks at Sam like he's never seen him before, looks at him with those big blue eyes, and fuck.

It's true.

It's true, and he cannot deal with this right now, cannot look at Bucky when he's looking at him like that, cannot deal with feeling _that_ way about _this_ guy. He wants to get up and run, but he's pretty sure that that would hurt Bucky in a way that he might not be able to fix, and he realises with an ache in his chest that he doesn't want to hurt Bucky, ever, and he never wants anyone else to either. Sam sighs, staring down at the floor.

"Don't tell Steve?" he asks.

"You think he'd be upset?"

Sam shrugs. He can't quite get his mouth to work. Now he kinda understands Steve's diffidence in the bedroom, the way you have to pull things out of him like he's forgotten what words are. He hasn't thought about what Steve would say, if he's honest. He hasn't thought about any of it. He's been trying very very hard not to.

"Probably not."

If anything, Steve would probably be over the moon. Maybe a little concerned about them fucking without him more often, but as far as Sam can tell, he doesn't actually mind that. He just likes to gripe about it-- usually as a preface to getting Sam and Bucky to share him again the way they did that first night. The three of them have shared everything, but this, _this_. This belongs to Sam and Bucky. It's a precious secret that Sam doesn't want to keep from Steve because he's worried about his reaction. He just doesn't want to share it with him.

He manages to look at Bucky again, who's looking at him like he knows exactly what Sam's thinking and agrees completely. His gaze drops down to Sam's mouth. He leans in to kiss Sam, gently, sweetly, and then rests his head on Sam's shoulder. His breath is warm on Sam's neck, but it's not even a sex thing now, it's something bigger and more terrifying that has Sam wrapped up in its folds.

Bucky puts his hand to Sam's chest. He kisses Sam's neck with a frightening gentleness and then rests his head on Sam's shoulder again. Sam waits for him to say something-- a wisecrack to break the tension, something sexy, dear god anything but requital. But Bucky is silent. Maybe he's still processing. It must be tough for him to deal with things like this. Hell, it's tough enough for Sam, who didn't undergo decades of brainwashing and torture and depersonalisation. He can't really imagine what's going through Bucky's head right now. He's suddenly sorry he opened his stupid mouth and maybe fucked everything up. He sighs and curves his hand around Bucky's neck, rubs a thumb along his jawline. He opens his mouth to apologise.

"Say it again," Bucky whispers.

Sam's heart breaks into pieces he knows are never gonna fit back together the right away again. This is… this could be so bad, this could ruin, this could destroy, this could end things, but Bucky's voice is so quiet, so Sam lets everything fall down around him.

"I love you."


End file.
